8 December 2009

Radical Self Forgiveness, Which is Affirmation

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Second Life, Photo by Eric Francis.

To Dr. Betty Dodson

BAD (and company!)

I speak in the spirit of radical-self forgiveness. Which is Affirmation.

We are doing the right thing.

You have opened a door. It remains wide open. The results as unfolded may arrive far in the future – that is how history tends. Yet the quantum field is faster now. We know that due to the quickening, effects can ripple easily outward; there may be a simultaneous effect in many who are on the scent of this energy. We are introducing a kind of counterscript to a problem that was slowly choking off creative energy and emotional flexibility: toxic selfjudgment.

There appears to be a direct way through: we help one another in front of the mirror; and then go there alone; and go with a friend. One benefit of sharing masturbation is that it makes it possible to have a much wider diversity of experiences with many more people — lots of us crave this but don’t know how to make it flow. Many of the usual issues with partnersex – the inconveniences as you call them – are dismissed and we get something akin to essential sexuality. That essence of contrivance, beauty, energy, pleasurepain, need, desire, shame, that we encounter in the mirror. All that guilt we bring to denial…shows up in front of the mirror.

We live in a time when there are legitimate, often serious concerns about partnersex. One meaningful one is that a lot of the smarter and more sexaffirming women are smart enough not to use hormone birth control. The obstacles and fears often become excuses to not explore, as does the emotional bondage issue. Expressed masturbation, witnessed masturbation, is a space where all of that is mitigated or evaporates and we can be free, within a new reality. It’s both a personal confrontation/exploration space – the mirror – or an open, highly energized field of phantasy or direct conversation. It is FUN, easy and has many fewer risks than we usually associate with sex. Rather than being a source of jealousy it’s a way to explore compersion. The really brave part is how close it brings us.

The potential is tossed wide open. It’s not really possible to fuck 111 people at once, but they can watch you make love to yourself and you get to relate sexually with all of them. So much of sex is wanting to be SEEN and ACKNOWLEDGED. A whole drama ensues, because it’s rare that we can really say this; narcissistic, etc. Witnessed masturbation offers this in such a beautifully clear form. I have to really trust someone to let go like that; or exercise my trust. I get to drink in the beauty of being trusted, when I am asked to be witness for someone.

When we get down to the deep emotional gratification of sex, it involves self-forgiveness; necessary to experience any pleasure at all. We can invest that directly into selfloving journey. The support and friendship of the Other is more honestly directed at one’s self-affirmation. This saves energy and keeps the emphasis on creative pleasure. When we can masturbate in front of a mirror with a loved one affirming our experience, that is, our existence, and express whatever might come up, that is radical and beautiful and the definition of healing.

I want to do a series of face-to-face and mirror masturbation videos offered to couples. Reveal some of the feelings; show how easy, and how much fun. fm/mm/ff. And solo m and f.

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to be continued
—self compersion—consensual phantasy—astral embrace—empathy field

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